holyoutlaw | (no subject)

Jane news: Jane was severely affected by post anesthesia constipation yesterday. She expected it, but not the severity. She'd been drinking lots of water, eating oatmeal, etc., but it was still pretty bad. I gave her some Citrucel and got some Smooth Move tea. Finally, late last night, things started moving again. This morning, she took off the bandage, showered, and was able to go short walkies. She's much happier.

I think it was about 7:30 when Julie and I were downstairs, Julie washing dishes and I cleaning the rat cage. Jane came out of the bathroom weeping in pain. We went into the kitchen, and I helped Jane make some tea, talking to her about the constipation. Julie kept washing the dishes, her back turned to Jane. When Julie finished with the dishes, she got some paper towels to dry her hands, still keeping her back to Jane. This takes a little maneuvering in our kitchen. In fact, I don't recall Julie acknowledging Jane's presence until Jane said "If you show me some compassion someday I might do the same for you." Julie reacted with defensiveness and fled upstairs.

It was shortly after that that Jane said, loud enough to be heard upstairs, "I want that woman out of my house." I talked with Jane a while longer, but I think by the time we were done Julie had gone on her drive and walk.

I talked with Julie a while after she returned. I went downstairs to watch Ronin (which I'd seen already; I think I reordered it because it has Sean Bean in it). When I came back upstairs, Julie was sitting at her computer.

She went in the bedroom and closed the door. Yes, we close the bedroom door when we sleep, so this was not at all unusual. But I looked at the bedroom door for a minute or so, and decided to sleep on the couch.

Yes, it's true, I did not stick up for Julie to Jane, as Julie says. Julie probably disagrees with me, but I do not stick up for Jane to Julie, either. Whenever I've tried to stick up for Person A to Person B, I've usually done a poor job of representing Person A, and only further muddled the situation. I don't like to mediate between people having a disagreement, even if they've both agreed to it and we're all in the same room together. I'd rather pay a professional. Hah! (Seriously, I think this kind of mediation takes a lot of skill.)

Today I have a Real Change assignment at two, another assignment to follow up on, some grocery shopping, dinner to cook, and a meeting to prepare for. I guess I better get going.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've done a little mediation (totally untrained for, by the way), and it generally seems to boil down to interpretation. "When you do this, what does that mean to you" "When she does that, what does it mean to *you*" "What do you hear when she says that", etc. When you're emotionally involved this can be very difficult to do.

I wish all three of you the best, and I hope something can be worked out. I wish I was there to lend an ear or shoulder or whatever needs borrowing.

Please feel free to share this with Jane and Julie. I thought about posting it to their journals too, but it felt a little odd.

Thanks. I'll be sure they read this. I'm sure it'll be appreciated.

We're going for counseling/mediation as I mention a few rocks down.

Yes, I'm a little late getting caught up. I've been away from the laptop for a while.

Good luck on the counseling. It sounds as if you all want to make things better and that's a good place to start.